urgh... i'm totally the unluckiest person on earth... eeeks... i totally hate myself. okay... went library to study today...[bet PT doesnt believe...=)]okay larh... ended up reading instead..
dat day NP day rehersal... haiz. got pumped for nothing. oh well. its only 3 pumps. i was so angry at everything dat i cud pump all the hundred plus we owed them at once. blahx. i'm mood swingging so much nowadays.haiz...
*NPCC, lets join hands,
uphold the law n preserve the peace
NPCC, lets join hands,
marching onwards all the time*
okay... finished NP before 5... but then din feel like going hme n facing her. so loitered in sch. wad else can i do? was so totally depressed. i hate myself. i can hardly give a true smile. in the end had to leave sch.. took 111... purposely overshot my hse so that dun haf to go hme so early... yea... got off at COmmonwealth n took a train backwards to my hse. then quarrelled wif her again n really really felt like cutting.. but i handed my blades over to DOra liaoz.. n the penkinfe was rusty. so had no sharp stuff...blessing in disguise. days haf been so filled with bad memories n stuff. sometimes i wonder if life is really worth living. but even if its not, do i haf a choice but to carry on?
okay. today kinda fought with her again... so ran off to the library to "study". needed to talk to someone so badly. really very badly.but i cant keep calling Eudora right? she DOES haf her own life to lead n own problems to solve. yeah... so messaged Bear. or at least i tot i messaged Bear. dunno how the heck i messaged candy ma'am instead. fuck. my life is totally over. then she was like"huh? who are you?" i seriously considered not replying sime she din noe who i was. but i replyed... was like "shit. sorry ma'am. messaged wrng person" n that sort of stuff. EEEEEEKS. carn believe dat message went to the wrng person. i was saying i needed to gt away frm my family n stuff. AAAAAAHHH. i'm such a loser. i carn even message the corrct person. yea... then she asked if i was okay. obviously i had to say yes. u dun expect me to tell her all those stuff right????????? aaaargh. wad was worse was that i started crying AGAIN. in the library. went to the toilet. haiz. i'm a freaking emotional basket case. i hate myself for crying. i wish i was made with out the tear gene. AAARGH. i hate the people who see me cry. to me crying is the raw-est emotion a person can show. okay. i dun hate ALL the ppl who haf seen me cry. i actually feel okay bout Eudora see me cry. afterall, i was the one who found her n cried in frnt of her. okay. worse of all, i hate myself.
claudia * 7:10 AM